It's been a weird few days. Good Friday always gives me the feels, but I've just felt uneasy, attempting to absorb the meaning of the past three days while battling off all sorts of other emotions that have become all too commonplace over the last several months.
I took some time on Friday night, and again yesterday, to just sit with it all. It was very successful. The uneasiness I felt in my attempt at mental, physical, and spiritual stillness reflects the uneasiness in my heart lately. I crave the feeling of finally being settled here, but the more time has gone on, the more I feel like my discontentment is exactly what God is using to teach me:
I will never, ever be settled while this earth remains my home. No matter the roots I plant, the relationships I form, the cities I move to, the jobs I take, the goals I accomplish, or the houses I decorate (or don't) to within an inch of themselves — there's always going to be some part of me that feels unsettled. And that's exactly the point.
Over the past few days, I've read through some of Isaiah and a bit through the gospels, recounting the story of Jesus's final days and His resurrection that we celebrate today. Out of all of that, one verse hasn't left my mind:
"And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, 'Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen.'" — Luke 24:5-6
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Like so many others, I've been disheartened lately. People in politics, people talking about politics, and people making questionable decisions based on politics have left me feeling helpless, asking myself just how we got ourselves into this epic mess. Being right has become better than being respectful, allegiance too often appears blind, and compassion seems to come with a lot more caveats than it should — especially from those who profess to be Christians.
I left work a little early on Wednesday and managed to catch an interview with Kirk Franklin on NPR's On Point. During the interview, they played a spoken word piece from Franklin's newest album, Losing My Religion, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
I'm losing my religion
Thank God
I prayed about my decision
How odd
For the man with the mic
To be the man all his life
While Christ-like Stipes did with R.E.M.
Rev up the RPMs
How do I begin to try to paint this sin, of rules?
That divides God's people in two
In the beginning, religion created a mask
The Reformation helped but soon the patch didn't last
I don't tell, you don't ask
So we created a lie
And for generations, church was where we went to go hide
Or we no longer tried
Because rules read our relationship was empty inside
Leaves you bitter, dry
Swift to cut like a razor
Swift to call you a traitor
'Cause you're swift to love Taylor
Now we got bad blood with our neighbor
Who's wrong, who's right
Every Sunday we're divided
Who's black, who's white, C'mon
Now the man in the mirror never gets race right
He'll never be Christ-like
Never receive good pay
So your faith never rises above minimum wage
So when it's time to save the world
You don't know what to say
To your brother that you love when he tells you he's gay
Do you push him away?
Judge him down till he leaves?
Give him a gospel he hears or a gospel he sees?
Love wrapped in truth is the gospel he needs
There's room at the cross for everyone — even me
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Happy (almost) New Year, everyone! I hope you all had a great Christmas — I know I did! — and are looking forward to wishing 2016 a fond farewell in a couple of days. I have a few new year related posts planned (including my annual playlist), but before that happens, I thought I'd post a few highlights from the past couple of months.
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